Honesty
Happiness
Horny women
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Hitchen's view of religion
Hotels in places I have never been before
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House, MD
History
I caught two new TV shows this week.
"Parks and Recreation" is about a blonde town planner. Tries to be "The Office"-like, but fails. One chuckle, not enough to keep me around for seconds.
"The Unusuals" succeeds where P&R fails, and adds some intrigue as well. It reminded me a little of "Green Wing" in the background jokes and scene segues, and the writing seemed tight and effective. They've managed to add a grain of drama too, with a potentially clever "what's going on" mystery. The only downside is that the lead female is the spitting image of my STBE. And I mean 99% of the way there. I had to double-take, but apart from looks there's no real similarity in personality, voice etc, just looks.
I went to the movies last night and watched Knowing, starring Nicholas Cage. Here be spoilers, so if you don't want to know more about this, move along to another site right now, as this is all I am going to talk about for the rest of this piece.
I struggle to remember any other disaster movie that actually does end up destroying the Earth. Props to them for that. In fact, the effects were extraordinarily well done, I thought. The plane crash looked great, and the uncut run from it coming in all the way to Cage rummaging through the wreckage was impressive. I also liked the way that the train crash pulled no punches and showed you the horror of people being mashed and caught up in the debris.
Aside from that, the movie pulled a little from another movie from a few years ago (the name escapes me but it'll come to me) where a woman loses her kid, but is the only one to remember - turns out it was aliens all along.
I am torn between thinking it's a cop out of it being aliens, and thinking that it's God's plan - the garden of eden scene at the end for example. It's the sort of story I would have written, with a "clever" twist in that God is an alien, but now I am not so sure that I could be so sappy. I am far too cynical and I think I'd not be able to write something that appeals to the masses any more.
The set up in the classroom at the beginning of the movie had me punching my head. No, really, I actually punched my head a few times - the explanation of what is determinism versus what is randomness, was painful. I can see that someone who has not thought about this would go "Oh yeah", but it's not mutually exclusive, guys. Because something SEEMS random, does not mean that it's not determined. Argh. And the line about whether the sun was put there for earth randomly or deliberately ... *cough* I thought that the planets came FROM the star's birth. Anyway, aside from that, it wasn't too bad, and I bet that our local atheists' meetup group would have plenty to say about it, those that would see it anyway.
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Do you have a 5-year plan? Do you have a 1-year plan? Hell, do you even know what is for dinner tonight?
I had plans. I still do, but vastly different ones. My plans when I got married were simple, yet interesting. They were not easy, some of them, but many were designed to stretch the soul, make me better myself. One by one they were all put to bed, euthanised quietly so that another's goals could be folded into our lives, goals that were more attainable, less about 'me', and much safer.
Now, looking back, the only goal I met was to move to Canada. That plan was a shared one, so I can see how it was never cast aside. I prioritised based on the number one need of keeping the marriage working. This was fine while the marriage had life, and though slightly upsetting at the time, deciding that I would never learn to fly was something I could accept if it meant that all was hearts and flowers at home. Of course, all was not hearts and flowers, but that was the picture painted and the image sold.
So with those plans now in ruins (hurrah!) I am back to making more plans. Short term (I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight), medium term (SF convention next year, more local friends), and long term. It is the long term plans that are hardest, because they rely on so many other things outside your own control. Mine are no different, and I am not too bothered about them as of this minute. Short term priorities are more important right now, though eventually I will be wanting to sort out my long term goals.
I have a pretty good idea where I am heading over the next year, and few years for that matter. Things change though, and in general my short- and mid-term plans will take me to a place where long-term plans can kick in. There is plenty for me to be getting on with in life; changes to make, lifestyle tweaks, relationship building.
The priorities are all about kick-starting life back into this old dog, without dropping the balls that may lead to what I want for long-term happiness.
Do you have a 5-year plan? Do you have a 1-year plan? Hell, do you even know what is for dinner tonight?
Many things are greater than the sum of their parts, loved ones and relationships especially so. I'll get back to that, though.
Last night I saw a movie that stars so many of the actors I actively dislike, and there are not that many of those. I struggle to find a Tom Cruise role, or even scene, that I have ever enjoyed. Same with Jack Black, and Ben Stiller. Even Matthew McConaughey and Robert Downey Jr poke my "irritating actor" gland, yet Tropic Thunder was one of the funniest movies I have seen for a long, long time. Tom Cuise, I hate to say, puts in a fine performance. Jack Black's slapstick was toned way down, Ben Stiller only played himself at the times when he was supposed to, and Robert Downey Jr pulled off some scenes that coupled with his recent Iron Man blockbuster, has made me think I may go watch his next movie regardless of content. So many things about the movie worked perfectly, despite being made from all the wrong parts.
Now back to our regular dissection of life, love and happiness. A perfect relationship is either doomed because it is perfect, or it is perfect because it is made up of lots of things that annoy you somewhat but are willing to embrace or at least overlook. This goes for friends and lovers too, someone 'perfect' would annoy the crap out of me so much I'd end up hating them after a few hours/days. Even seconds/minutes, if the sun shone out of their ass too.
My ideal friends are complex, and utterly imperfect. They don't even have to know all of their imperfections, just know most of their flaws and be willing to at least accept them, if not work at minimising any damage caused by them. I am proud to say that my friends are as dysfunctional as they come, in their own sweet ways. They all challenge me to some degree, and I like that. They also put up with my crap, and help me become a better person.
If you have a part of your life that is odd, is weird, is frowned upon by the majority, you can bet that someone somewhere thinks you are awesome because of it. Get by from day to day by running with the crowd, fitting in, and earning your crust - it's how the system works and you are not going to break the system. You live your life, though, outside of the rat-race. It's where the real you becomes important, and just as those odd shaped jigsaw pieces of your life are the most satisfying to put into the big picture, how your life slots into those of your friends is also something it might pay to acknowledge and smile about.
I have a few more paragraphs about missing pieces, but I'll leave those for another time.
I'll finish by saying that my favourite jigsaw piece in my life lives a long way from me, is very colourful, and has the perfect shape.
In search of partners, companions and friends, this specificity is even more important, yet it still surprises me how many people are quite general in their wants. Maybe it is because there is an overall feeling of being lost and alone thesedays, that we as a society subconsciously allow. We are alone together, you can walk the streets of NYC and be among millions of people but you cannot look anyone in the eye, cannot feel part of something close. Alone in a crowd has become the norm for those without partners.
So is it better to say "this is what I want", or better to say "this is what I do not want"? I admit that it is a very good idea to have deal-breakers, things that you absolutely will not put up with, as long as such a list is not too long. Being too negative is going to severely curtail your search for anything in life, not just people. People generally are attracted to the positive. Much more important is the list of things that you are actively looking for. These are the things that will enrich your life, and bring you pleasure. These are the traits that give you the push when you want it, the smile when you need it, and the love that we ultimately all crave.
When someone says that they are "an odd fish", or lists facets of their life that are extra-ordinary, it makes them more attractive to me. The majority of people, whom it seems do not critically examine their lives and therefore do not understand what they want or need, shun anything that strays from what they would consider 'normal'. This is their loss, I fear, for the odd fish are the tastiest, they are the people who have decided what makes them happy and seek it out. There is nothing sexier than someone who knows what they want, and tries to get it without stamping on anyone else's toes.
Do you know what you want? Do you know how to get it? Are you happy settling for something that you know is not the best for you, when you know that the best for you is out there and is obtainable? Look at what makes you happy. Look again and question whether it's actually what you think society says should make you happy, and then go look for what you know is best for you. It may take a while, it may turn up in a place you do not expect, and in my situation it turned out to be complicated yet navigable. It's rare that something good comes easily, the best things are often gained through hard work and bumpy times, and when you claim your prize, you look back and it's always worth it. I look forward to that day myself.
Everyone juggles, we all have aspects of our lives that are separate from others, and keeping them all working to your favour is how you get on in life. Most of the time, things tick over because no doubt You Have A Plan. Even if you do not realise that you have a plan, you do. You can cope with minor things going wrong even of you are not the world's greatest planner. When things start to get particularly iffy in a part of your life, you can take your focus off the aspects of your life that are currently running on auto-pilot, and redirect that extra time and effort to bringing your errant "life-slice" back to manageable terms.
When you get more than one thing going wrong in life, or a particular part of your life get so screwed up, then it becomes a challenge to keep all those plates spinning. Some of us are up for that challenge, and indeed a very few of us live on the edge deliberately for the rush of being able to pull things back from the brink. Well, not me, but I know some people who though they do not specifically court disaster, they welcome the challenge of getting it all straightened out before something else starts to wobble. These people are invariably single, or partnered with other similar psychos.
I would say that in an average adult life, you pass through a time where enough things trip you up that you need a steadying hand to keep you from crashing and burning, about once every ten years. Maybe for most of those times, having a cheering crowd of friends on the sidelines giving their emotional support to you is enough to get you through it. Like the "sixth man" in hockey, they give you that inner strength, and you can move forward.
In general terms that is.
You see, we are all unique, we all have different physiological make-ups, we all have vastly differing emotional histories and childhoods, so what may phase one person may be brushed off by another. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that what's manageable by you is not going to turn your loved ones into a wobbling pile of useless goo. Indeed even if 99% of people can handle one specific issue, bear in mind that your friend might be one of those poor 1% who simply cannot handle filing their taxes on their own, or undergoing dental surgery, or the death of a pet. To you it's small potatoes, to them it might be the end of the world as they know it.
So keep an eye on your friends, let them know that you have their back. Give them your time, listen to their stories, love them unconditionally.
And never watch any Highlander movie except the original.
There's a hot topic of discussion in my local Atheists group, about Relative v Absolute. Some say that everything is relative, to which the reply is that such a statement is an absolute. Personally I think the truth is in the middle, but that we each have our own truths. The extent to which our lives are absolute, is relative to the individual. There's always a balance between the two, and we all have both aspects to ourselves. It's a fun discussion that crops up a lot.
My absolutes recently, have been the absolute feelings of isolation and loneliness. Relative to what? Well it doesn't matter - a penny is a penny no matter what it's 'relative' to, its value is always the same, but its purchasing power may change over time. Such is the case with emotions sometimes, you have them, they affect you, and their power to affect you depends on many other things.
Coming to the realisation that every single name on the long list of local friends, is actually a friend of my STBE, was surprising, but to be expected in hind-sight. I really should have built a network of people myself rather than accepting blindly the one I walked into when I emigrated here.
Still, that's being addressed now, but kind words from close-but-not-local friends helped a great deal in the bumpy week just gone by. Imagine how awesome it would have been to have such friends locally, if pick-me-ups via email or phone translated to a hug or a squeeze of the hand. There is nothing like being told you matter to someone, because of how you helped them a while ago, and they are only too pleased to help back in times of need and despair. I had forgotten each of my actions that helped others, but when I was reminded it seemed that it was the least I could do at the time. In fact, that's what I was told about my pick-me-ups last week, that it was the least that they could do.
That there is enough to blow away the fog. I won't let that hazy mist come back in, partly because I am ready for it now, and partly because that dark place of isolation has been lit.
Bright eyed, bushy tailed, seeing the glass three-quarters full, and saying "Thanks!" to all my friends.
I am not dead or dying, I am not injured, I have a house to live in, I have a job, I know where my next meal is coming from ... how bad?
To underline where I am in the Grand Scheme, I thought I would make an effort to help those worse off than me. Win/win, on a number of levels.
I'm sending the below note in an effort to save lives, and it makes me think that the problems of this little person* doesn't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world:
To: Ayatollah Mahmoud Hashemi Shahroudi In the last decade, the execution of juvenile offenders has all but stopped throughout the world. Iran continues to execute juvenile offenders on a regular basis and since 2004 is the only country to have executed a juvenile offender every year. I urge you to take urgent steps to ensure that Behnoud Shojaee, Mohammad Feda’i, Saeed Jazee and Salah Taseb are not executed. Their executions would be a gross violation of international law, which defines a juvenile offender as a person who is under the age if 18 at the time of the offence, regardless of their age at the time of the trial and sentencing. International law, including the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights (ICCPR) and the Convention on the Rights of the Child (CRC), to which Iran is a state party, prohibits the execution of juvenile offenders. I urge your Government, as a state party to the ICCPR and the CRC, to bring your domestic legislation in line with your commitments under international law and abolish the death penalty as a sentence imposed on persons for committing crimes before the age of 18. I urge you to commute the death sentences on all juvenile offenders as a step towards total abolition of the death penalty. |
* = me, you dolt!
It's the "crazy world" bit of Humph's quote that gets me. There's always something crazier or more insane that makes someone else's life worse off than you can imagine, let alone experience, and often seeing that makes it easier to deal with what's in front of you.
I used to write Amnesty letters all the time, and I think that now would be a good time to take up that call again. I feel more grounded, hopefully someone's life is saved.
The world is sunnier today.
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